a lot of my personal “be brave” project has to do with facing my own “ostrich style” of facing stress. right now, for example, i feel like i have a few unpaid bills affecting my credit rating, but i don’t want to deal with that, so i’m not sending in my request for a credit report.
or, i wasn’t.
i know i have an unpaid speeding ticket…
i have to go back to the psych ward to see a doctor about a note she wrote me last year…
it’s probably my least favourite self-trait, but it’s very easy for me to tell myself that “oh, you have so much to deal with already, just do that later”, or to give myself passes on facing up to unpleasantness.
even though i know ostriches don’t actually stick their heads in the sand, this is how i’ve described it.
so today i took the medical notes with the 4 dates on them, and i actually talked to one professor, and made a date for thursday to talk to the other. i made sure that i can still hand in the assignments that i’m working on…and that my permanent grades won’t be affected.
it’s funny because the prof i actually talked to has to be one of my favourite teachers, ever. she’s hilarious in class, really intelligent, and never puts on those “professorial” airs…she’s kind of geeky-cool, with frizzy hair and thick glasses and red lipstick and funky jewelry…
i don’t know why i was so intimidated to talk to her. in her office yesterday she looked at me so empathetically i thought i would cry…
so. not as scary as i thought. good.
in my OTHER class, my non-fiction workshop, i actually showed up an hour late and didn’t realize until the end of class. eep. so much for the clocks at the cafe i was at being accurate.
this class is difficult for me, because it’s the first of its kind i’ve done. (that’s why i wanted to take it. people love pigeonholing me as the “poet”.) plus, the prof who doesn’t like me so much chairs it. but i said some editorial things to my “colleagues” (?) that i was proud of picking out….and i was quoted by other people for the rest of the hour.
that was a nice feeling. it’s rare that i allow myself to be simply proud of anything i do.
and afterwards, well…a few of us got out of the elevators onto the main floor of the building and there was an engineering grad party going on. the main section of the lobby was roped off and there were lots of people in formal wear, with waiters serving finger food and free wine….
it was a bunch of writers facing the lure of free wine….
so we snuck in. of course, that wasn’t such a big deal. the waiters didn’t so much care that we were crashing the party, and since we spoke french with them, they ended up giving us massive more amounts of wine than we could have hoped for. it was a lot of fun hanging out with people that i hadn’t especially before, getting to know them a little better…a little cameraderie was exactly what i needed after that day of facing myself.
5 comments
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November 14 2007 at 12:59 pm
j
yo – not sure if i have your email correct – but email me at my gmail addy. i’ll be in montreal this weekend. or call me at my parents house! xoxo j
November 14 2007 at 3:05 pm
heartinsanfrancisco
We are all ostriches sometimes, when there is simply too much to deal with.
I’m glad that when you forced yourself to be brave, it worked out so well for you.
“a bunch of writers facing the lure of free wine” made me chuckle. Some things never change.
November 14 2007 at 4:04 pm
daisies
tee hee … i too am like an ostrich and the undone starts to weigh down on me and when i finally do something about it, i feel such a sense of relief and accomplishment that i wonder why i continue to bury my head … sigh … one day i’ll learn … xox
November 14 2007 at 5:50 pm
ceanandjen
You got A LOT done! From where I stand, you are actually taking some very big steps in an effort to take care of business and move forward with your life and it is wonderful to see…and inspiring. love to you.xoxoxo
November 15 2007 at 2:05 pm
Christine
Oh I love to avoid things and hope they go away. I think of myself as more of a snail than an ostrich… I like to pull into my snail-shell house and avoid the world that way. I always pictured snails having cozy living rooms in there, full of books and unusual lamps. I have a long list of completely unpleasant things I have to do today, this week, this month… but you have inspired me to tackle at least a few of them right away instead of putting them off forever. Thanks! : )