today, the brave thing that i did was give my blog address to someone i knew a while ago, and had(ve) much admiration for.

this doesn’t happen much.

field knows i have one, of course, but he barely remembers half the time. the last time he checked he was scared off because “reading my thoughts” made him uncomfortable. that’s fairly typical of the smattering of other offline friends i’ve told about it – the forgetting, i mean.
quite honestly, i like it that way. i don’t mention it a lot, and if it slips out in casual conversation that i do write a blog, i never say its name.

i don’t want to feel TOO self-conscious here.

but of course, giving my address to someone i actually know, and who asked for it, is another story, and meant that i was a bit blog-obsessive today. i finally got around to importing my blogger archives, but being as technologically illiterate as i am means i’ve got a LOT of cleaning up to do. there are double categories, double postings, etc., and with my coping mechanism of distracting myself from what i need to get done with not-so-important things, i’ve given myself at least three days of work. tinkering.

the amazing thing about that experience was that i saw, first hand, how far i’ve come in a year. last year was definitely the hardest year of my life, and i’m so much stronger now. there are still rumples in the fabric, sure, but i am way more stable. centred. calm. and for that, i am grateful.

i am finding myself…piece by piece,  realizing what fits me and what doesn’t being able, more often, to voice my truth.

your defects

an empty mirror and your worst destructive habits,
when they are held up to each other,
that’s when the real making begins.
that’s what art and crafting are.

a tailor needs a torn garment to craft his expertise.
the trunks of trees must be cut, and cut again
so they can be used for fine carpentry.

your doctor must have a broken leg to doctor.
your defects are the ways that glory gets manifested.