went on a mission to support a sister-friend in ottawa this past wednesday. she’s had a hat trick of crap happen to her lately, and she wanted to go to the xavier rudd show at the bronson centre, and she didn’t have a date.

so i put on my hot pink tights and my mini skirt, and put a bindi on the middle of my forehead – my third eye’s needed some jewelry lately -and put some crazy make-up on, and jumped on a mid-afternoon greyhound bus, arriving just in the nick of time to pick her up and drink a can of beer before heading to the show.

i don’t think i’ve ever seen a better show, and i’ve been seeing lots since nkotb in 1988. he opened after his opening act (check out, find, if you can, a bermudan named mishka) with a traditional native blessing, spoken by an elder.

i don’t know if you’ve ever seen him live, but ohmygod. this is a man who reminds me physically of a cleaned-up, surfer-boy kurt cobain. he plays drums barefoot, and can handle 4 instruments, (plus singing) at once – the didge, his kit, guitar, and harmonica. his songs are catchy and sometimes almost too earnest – but so lovingly meant that he wins you over. he knows how to bring his audience with him – the second he came on, we all rushed for the stage area to start dancing.

backstage, pinned up so we could see, was this black cloth with the word “focus” on it. that word has been following me for the last week, ever since miki and i sat down together (it haunted that conversation). i kept going back to that word, the whole show. sometimes i am lucky enough to know and feel when the world is trying to show me something.
afterwards, i told my friend i felt like i’d had 17 different spiritual experiences, she totally agreed, and two sweaty young women giggled all the way back to her place.

i went back with this renewed sense of energy, and purpose, determined to start taking control back. one of the first things i did was try and sort out my financial situation. i used to put it out there that i was horrible with money, and guess what came true?

through the fog of the last little while, i’ve let accounts slide, and facing up to that wasn’t pleasant. i also found out something that i’m hoping i’m wrong about: two bank loans taken out in my name in a town called orillia, ontario.

guess who’s never been to orillia?

there is obviously nothing i can do until monday, so i’m not letting myself worry about it too much – it doesn’t look like anything else has been active outside of 2004. (2004! my god.) i have a few other things on my plate – like essays, (again, or still), editing someone’s book, working, looking for a new apartment and a new job, and cleaning up – which i’m going to try and get a handle on in the mean time.

so this is where i am. thank god i feel able to do it all.
this is a blessing.