i feel like this blog is a friend i want to get back in touch with, but i don’t know how to tell it so.
if this page were a telephone keypad, i would have punched six out of seven
numbers so many times…and then been unimpressed, or bored,
by my own writing. sometimes
words aren’t vivid enough, you know?it’s been a month incredibly high in energy.
lots of things, both “good”
and  “bad”
have happened. i was pretty down

for a while, for school and work reasons. i was really
sad and really irritable for about a week there
i described it somewhere as feeling
like my heart was water-logged.

really, i get stressed out in the most incipient of ways. i have to remember that.
then, of course, i was talking to field, and he helped me
to feel, in my belly, a new perspective. he told me i should think
about starving out the depression – not doing anything to feed it.

maybe it was because i was already researching candida, following a train
of thought that had led me to the idea of a detoxing diet much like the
candida one, but the idea appealed to me: cutting out the negative talk.
actually going to the gym. eating more vegetables instead of fruit, and avoiding
as much as possible, although i’m not strict,
fermented things.

and last week i did implement all of those things.
i renewed my membership at the gym
and have been running, again.

god, how i love running. running for 20 or so minutes,
(after a warm-up sauna, of course – i also get a cool-down
sauna, too) can make the world shiny again for me, without
fail. the feelings that had felt clotted
inside me started moving, up through my skin
and out.

today i wrote for the first time in forever.

things are moving, and changing, and healing, and it’s good.
it feels better than good. i feel happy, and more on top
of things than i have in a while.

i cut the back of my hair the other night when it was really bothering me.
took up a pair of scissors when my heart wouldn’t wait for
the next day for me to make a haircutting appointment,
and trimmed off the offending strands.
it felt really empowering.

i started realizing, instead of just SAYING i did (that is
to say i understood it on this visceral,
emotional level) that we have to create,
and be vigilant about protecting our own happiness.

in some ways, i truly think that i can only contribute
to this society in a positive way
when i am calm, centered, and doing things that fulfill me.

so that’s, i guess, what i’ve been up to.

(image courtesy of entertaining change, at projectthinkdifferent.org.)