i caved and “befriended” someone on facebook today whom i’ve been avoiding basically since i was 14, when i was home sick from school and he showed up on my doorstep with a dozen red roses. nice, sure, but also creepy as i had no idea how he had found out where i lived – we shared none of the same friends at the time.

he left me a message today saying that it seemed like i had a good life.

it’s funny, because i’ve thought this before – i often look at what i don’t have instead of what i do. well, that buck stops here.

i have a wonderful, brilliant, sexy best friend who i’ve been able to see lots of this week. i have many wonderful, brilliant, sexy friends, actually – all of whom are talented little fireballs in the universe, who make me proud to be alive and share space with them, and who motivate me to be a better human be-ing every day,

i’m in university, doing something that i love. how quickly one forgets what a (socioeconomic) privilege university is,  

i have the most wonderful familiars who love me to bits and fight over cuddling with me on my lap,

i have a nurturing job, (most of the time), and a position of seniority and authority there,

i have a great apartment, which i live in alone (although i need to fix the colours…i have the scheme of a drinking pueblo in here, with the mint green hallway and the ORANGE kitchen…something went wrong with the paint chips),

i have my health. i have my life. i am on my path.

i have to remember that the universe tests us when we are on our right path, to see how much we want it.

i’ve been thinking a bit about ‘being over the hill’ in terms of my REAL, penultimate goal of being a ‘successful’ author. to my negative mind, i’m almost 30, stalled in being published over 10 years ago, bla bla bla bla bla. all that negativespeak is just trying to slow me down. i won’t have it. today, i have been trying to change my patterns.

 i went to the doctor’s and got the medical notes i need to cover my late essays. i also have to go see a neurologist and get a set of x-rays done, (to determine if my pain is actually physical) – but that is lower on my list of priorities.

i’ve emailed two of my favourite professors to see if they will write reference letters for me.

i resisted the “after-doctor’s-appointment” urge to do some retail therapy and only bought sensible vitamins and socks at the pharmacy.

i watched a few episodes of law and order. god, i love crime stuff.

if my posts lately have been choppy and list-like, i apologize. i actually have so much to say on here recently that i find it hard to confine myself…plus, i’ve been feeling slightly….dislocated, for lack of a better term. it’s an interesting feeling, and i think it means a big change is coming.

finally, i’m at a point where change thrills and excites me! bring it on.