i feel almost bad for yesterday’s post being my first out of the gate. i read it back to myself and say, “wow, bee. that’s pretty lifeless, right there. it’s mostly one big, boring quote. how charming.”

yesterday was a no good, very bad day. i spent, oh, probably 90% of it in tears, and not the pretty tears either. i’m not sure what it was exactly – it could be that for the past few days, i’ve forgotten to take my meds at the regular hour; or that right around now is the time last year that i headed to the psych ward to deal with my depression; field left yesterday to be very far away for 4 days and through a mistake of mine, we didn’t hang out yesterday morning….

it could be any and all of those, but that’s all right. honestly, now that we’re getting to winter, i’m scared that every time i feel down i’ll go to “that place” again, when really, i don’t need to.

i guess it’s just that yesterday’s post didn’t feel “real” to me. it felt like a screen that i was throwing up haphazardly to keep the rawness happy. and maybe that it’s because i’m feeling less raw today that i’m able to talk about it.

so. hope, is where i’m at today. i hope that i will be productive, and energetic, and patient.

i hope whatever you need finds you today, too.