bee-turkey.jpgfirst, this is how hot i look right now.

i righteously HATE this picture of myself, but whatever. more importantly…:

i’ve been thinking a lot, lately, about how i consume food. i wake up in the morning and, before i really think about it, i am putting the kettle on for coffee. i drink a few cups, go out for a walk with daisy, and then usually have a few hours before i realize that i’m hungry.

being in school means i feed myself in a different way. i KNOW a lot about food, (its healing effects, the vitamins in each, what to eat or not for what ailment) – but when i’m taking classes, all my “eating healthy” mantras go in the crapper. i subsist on caffeine, take-out meals, chocolate. i tell myself, “whatever will get you through this, sweetpea…you want a cheeseburger? you can have it.”

i’ve even re-taken up the cigarette, to my own astonishment. the second one ever i had had in the past two years, my boss came up to me and said, “you look like a freaking natural.”
i’ve been told that before – i’ve been told that i should be in campaigns to sell cigarettes, because i apparently inhale in a seductive way.

i don’t know if that’s a compliment, or not.

ANYWAYS. i’ve been thinking about how nice it would be to detox once school is over. i’ve been thinking about it for years,but never have engaged (i have eating issues which i was hesitant to ‘tease’) – and graduating, starting a new chapter, seemed a perfect time.

however, i don’t want to just launch myself into a program on my own. i really want to start paying attention to the way i eat, and how to feed my OWN body what it needs…so that when i hit a busy, or stressful patch in my life again, i will know how to handle it.

this is why i have been reading, more and more, this book. i want to wait to buy it, because honestly, i’m putting everything else on hold for the next three months, and i want to really concentrate on it…but i LOVE how, in the first few pages, she suggests giving your body a scan, then asking it what it wants to eat to heal wherever it hurts…and then eating that food.

i really jive with that concept, of listening to oneself. and i would HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend that book to anyone who has similar interests. my sister bought it when she visited me last year, and she says that all the recipes are super yummy.

and not only that, but i have found the perfect “carrot” to motivate me through the next few months:


it’s bali, a place i have wanted to go to even more since i read “eat pray love”. it’s detoxing (although maybe the resort is a bit too chichi for my taste – no offense to anyone, but i am a backpacker at heart). it’s yoga and listening to one’s own body and really learning about health.

oh, dream-life, here i come.

(more about what i consider the phrase “dream-life” to mean, coming up.)