my name is bee. this is my real-life nickname as well as a possible set of my initials.
i live in montreal; i am almost 29; i’m a perpetual student. i stand about 5’5″, have short black hair, my grandfather’s blue eyes, and a love of gemstone jewelry. people have told me before i have a good phone-sex voice.
i write a lot – i go to school to learn how. i live in a neighbourhood outside of downtown where there are lots of trees, parks where i love walking my dog, and little bakeries that serve great coffee. i share my apartment with my dog and my long-suffering cat. i live across the street from an elementary school, and i often wake up to the sound of birds singing in the tree outside my window. my apartment is half painted – from last december. i have been known to stash dirty dishes in the cupboards underneath the sink when i’m having company over. i have a perpetual “messy” energy, but when i concentrate on engaging with people, i really can.
i love to read – mostly fiction. (i consider it research. you’d find a lot of books by michael ondaatje, alice munro, and mordecai richler on my shelves). i bought a digital camera two months ago that i still haven’t figured out how to plug in. i collect magazines to clip art from. i am currently on a HUGE elliott smith kick, but i will devour any music you put in front of me – and right away start having vivid associations with each song. nina simone reminds me of my mother, and how jazz was the only thing my mother could listen to, after my dad (who thought that jazz was low-class) moved out. any song by the doors will evoke the memory of my twin-bed-pink-bedroom adolescence. dave matthews reminds me of my best friend.
my mother died when i was 20. i have c.p.
i have re-invented myself so many times through the years. i have been a teenage hellion (writing bad cheques, stealing, drinking, smoking), a depressed poet, a party girl. i have used myself and have had others use me.
through it all, it feels like i have been following a rope out of the darkness. one hand put blurrily ahead of me and pull, then the other. i am blessed to be who i am, because i am me…this is something i try to remember.
sometimes i am better at remembering than others – better at remembering that every situation can be a spiritual lesson, better at lying down on the grass in a patch of sun and feeling the earth restore my strength. better at letting the taste of coffee linger on my tongue. better at telling the people i love that i love them. better at knowing that i am human and spirit mixed together. better at loving myself and giving myself the space to be.
i can be jealous. i have a temper, but it takes a while for it to burn.
a cross section of my desk at this moment would show you: a cd of collected music from 1930, my anti-depressants, a camera bag, a hair band, a bodum, an empty bottle of red wine, a “wish box”, a book about environmental politics, and the account information to my cell phone, a book about the further adventures of batman, and my tarot cards.
i am at my best in the summer, and in a body of water. i love making love. i love kissing. i love eating grapes in my underwear. i love that what i love can change from minute to minute, but that there is an essential core that stays the same.
i am who i am.Β to find out who other people are, go here.
19 comments
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September 24 2007 at 4:28 pm
Loralee
I love reading this blog.
It lets me live vicariously in a big city apartment in a life very different from my own but with definite feelings of empathy and similarity.
It’s just a comfy place to hang out. π
September 24 2007 at 4:37 pm
Melba
i heart this post bee.
sometimes i want to go to sleep because i don’t know why i am awake, but when i come across others with their eyes open i don’t feel so foreign.
September 24 2007 at 6:24 pm
Vanessa
just wow.
i *heart* the way you are
Vx
September 24 2007 at 8:00 pm
kristen
and i love you honey. you are so very real. i hope someday to meet you in real time. xo
September 25 2007 at 1:01 am
ruby
i love who you are.
September 25 2007 at 1:58 am
leah
what a beautiful post. i am also at my best in the summer in a body of water! π
September 25 2007 at 11:51 am
Jessie
you are a beautiful (and interesting!) woman, bee! i loved reading all the things that you are.
September 25 2007 at 12:09 pm
JanePoe (aka Deborah)
you are you … all the rich, complicated, messy, sweet, funny, wonderful, interesting bits melded in to one unique and lovely soul. it’s good getting to know you bee. xx, JP/deb
September 25 2007 at 2:02 pm
Bohemian mom
bee, you are fabulous! I loved reading this honest and very real post.
I feel like I know you better now. Thanks for sharing.
I wish I lived closer, I come over and drink yummy coffee with you and we’d stay up all night and finish painting your apartment!
September 25 2007 at 7:19 pm
believingsoul
I love that you are who you ARE.
I love how honest you are.
π
September 25 2007 at 8:47 pm
daisies
oh i so loved this beautiful glimpse of you and your utter adorableness realness and damn girlfriend, do i have to fly to montreal again and help you figure out how to plug in your camera? π i remember how it felt to hug you and it was the bestest thing ever … hugs darling girl … xoxoxox
September 26 2007 at 1:56 am
Mardougrrl
I think you are spectacular. And I am so glad I can read your words. Thank you for that, xoxo, M
September 26 2007 at 2:26 am
debr62
That was really beautiful Bee…one of my most favorite posts you’ve written.
September 26 2007 at 12:06 pm
bee
thank you very much for your comments, you guys…you’ve made me blush over here. π
September 27 2007 at 4:21 am
holli
this was my favorite thing you’ve written – hands down.
September 27 2007 at 8:12 am
colorsonmymind
You rock baby doll. I just love your honest, writing and juicy bits that make you you.
Lovely girl you are!
XOXOXOXOXO
September 29 2007 at 8:23 am
megg
BEE!! I love this post! This was so open and honest and real and juicy and full and rare – just like you!! Wow!!!
You are amazing!!!
P.S. would you do me a favour?? Will you tell Ruby I couldn’t get her address to work so could she give it to me again so I can read her blog again????????
September 30 2007 at 5:27 pm
Cheryl
Wow. This is an awesome post. I think I may have to try it soon.
October 1 2007 at 7:30 pm
Spikey Zora Jones
Bee…you can make a person fall in love with you…with only the words that flow from your fingertips…You are truly a lovely person.