yesterday, due to this crappy, low-res headache (like having a textural hive of bees humming over my right ear) i spent the ENTIRE day in bed. i got up every so often to drink water or pee, but most of the time i was sleeping. i slept all last night, too, to wake up this morning feeling hungry for life.

it’s weird for me when i miss a whole DAY. i feel all…sparkly, almost as if i’ve been totally reset and i am tasting air for the first time, learning how to blink.

new developments: i have registered for my last semester of undergrad EVER! this was only slightly stressful because for some reason, i mixed up the registration times for the university i currently go to, with the university i went to ten years ago – so i was supposed to have registered 3 months ago. (this is so very, very stereotypical “bee”). but after a minor panic attack, an emergency meeting with an academic advisor, and a few strokes of good luck, (namely, the academic advisor opening up ‘full’ classes so i could sneak in there), i am still on track to graduate in december.


my god. considering that so much has changed since i moved to montreal two years ago to finish my degree, and now i’m heading into the home stretch, i feel slightly surreal about the whole thing.
because i transferred from another university and then switched to the honours program after one year here, the administration has never really known how to classify me. they finally figured out that, through semantics, i need more writing electives than literature ones to graduate (the requirements changed after this summer) which i was excited about – after all, i came here to learn how to write.
i think they also ultimately resolved a dilemma for me – i think the next step for me is an m.f.a – a degree which is more concentrated on the writing than the combination.
that means leaving montreal in a year’s time, if it holds up.

that sounds like a huge deal, and of course there are variables in there – writing my entrance portfolios, getting accepted…deciding on schools, for pete’s sake. but i have this airy surreal feeling that is remarkably similar to the one i had standing on my father’s balcony 3 years ago – this vague tingle as i decide on the next right step for myself.

banane and i connected by phone for the first time in a few months yesterday and it looks like the dog and i will be renting a car sunday night to drive into ontario to meet up with her so we can spend most of next week in the country. i can’t wait….the idea of nothing in front of me but grass for miles; hearing the dogs playing in the lake, far away, and neither of us worrying about them; early mornings with my sister, who i haven’t seen in ages (and it’s never ages); nights where i can walk out into black velvet and see nothing but stars…yes please!