yes, i’m alive. the past few days have melted away…i’ve watched some really good movies (me, you and everyone we know – i want to watch it again; hitch – and i’m a sucker for romantic comedies, but anything starring my one constant movie star crush, which is also that funny, is aces in my books; and click – which made me bawl at points), HOT DAMN! ISN'T HE SOME BEAUTIFUL EYE CANDY???and sleeping, getting upset at my computer which refused to work, fighting off the “mean greys”, and working…

it’s high time to give you a top 10, and slowly, i’ll be poking my comments back into your blogs. most of you – well, i’ve been reading, but i’m completely exhaustipated, so i’ve barely been writing my password to get in here.

  1. reading poetry at my class reading tonight. i’m scared shitless. i don’t read well in front of other people – field can’t make it (my version of “friendly, family face” in this city), and i don’t have a clue what i’m actually going to read, but i just bought a cute red jumper and i’m trying not to think about my work friends who will be there to support me. one of whom asked me out.
  2. i was asked out! and no, i’m not halfway near ready, but the good thing is that he’s super busy (works 7 days a week, has french lessons after work 5 out of those 7 days) so i’m banking on it taking a while for our schedules to mesh. he is just superb – my job can be crazy, and he’s one of the people that keep me grounded and supported. (the first day i worked after field and i broke up, for example, together we instituted the ‘hug policy’). he’s gentle, into food security like me, funny, and super sweet. so that’s why i’m on the fence.
  3. right now i’m drinking black coffee and listening to miles davis’ kind of blue album. does it get any better than this? i mean, seriously? i love this album, so much, and i just bought it on thursday.
  4. a guy from work is moving in with me for 10 days while his apartment gets some work done. (not the guy who asked me out). i didn’t like the idea of him staying at a hostel when he could stay with me…and he and i have talked about both being ultra-shy and not having close friends in montreal. i figured, it was a golden opportunity.
  5. daisy and i are soon going to be volunteering at the senior’s residence down the street. we ran into a resident who fell in love with her (jocelyn, whose last dog was a bichon frise, although she prefers large dogs like daise) and jocelyn brought it up with me: “I’d love to see her again. please come back.” so we will – i figure, once i talk to the manager, or whatever.
  6. my calves have the funniest blisters on them from my gum boots, which i’ve been wearing non-stop this week, on account of the rain and the grey weather and the mushy snow. they’re rings around my legs. i kind of love them.
  7. i’m thinking of renting a car and putting a blanket on the front seat for daisy, watering the cats and plants and heading out on the road THE SECOND i can. that’s basically the thought that’s sustaining me at the moment. field and i had one of those magical dates on thursday – an all-day event when we barely do hours anymore, and by magical i mean, perfect – where we laughed and talked for hours, had a breakfast date, and shopped a little – and since i’d forgotten to take my medication that day, guess who woke up sad and questioning whether or not we should get back together? i’m out of it now, (and glad to be back on stable mental ground for that one) but egads…do i need space from my life.
  8. i slept all day today. and i mean, all day. i woke up momentarily, but then fell asleep on my copy of the tempest, and as of right now, i haven’t even walked the dog. i feel SUPER guilty. (i woke up at 5:30).
  9. however, i’m in love with the body shop’s blackheads face mask. SO good. not natural, by any means (don’t believe their hype – just read the ingredients on the back) but effective.
  10. i’m probably going to get another tattoo and another piercing when this is all over. this symbol, on the bag, is the one i would get on the inside of my forearm. it means A LOT to me, and it’s not anything i can explain – it’s too private. it’s just a potent symbol of protection. and i’m getting my libret and nose ring back.

all right – as field would say, i must become a “showered individual”. and PRETEND to look organized when i show up, with my hair still wet, trailing papers.

love and blessings to you all.