hello! or, should this be hello?!
i hope you found me. i missed everyone.

i had to move from blogger. holy crap. i’m a loyalist to be sure, but when they won’t let people comment on my blog, or they won’t let me comment on other people’s – for WEEKS – well, i realized i was being stubborn for no reason. stubborn in sticking with blogger, that is.

i know almost nothing about technology, and it turns out i have next to no patience for it when it malfunctions. so, a healthy “fuck you” to blogger, especially blogger beta for making it nearly impossible for me to import my archives.

drank a small bottle of red wine last night. merlot. i was on my way home from a rough shift at work, and although i’ve been good at staying away from alcohol since i got sick, i really wanted to just curl up with a funny movie and drink a glass. i had a sumptuous, “single girl who lives in her own apartment with cat” supper – pomegranate, grapes, old cheddar, dark espresso chocolate – and watched a bit of “punch drunk love“. went to sleep.

i haven’t written since school let out. i have to – i WANT to – get on more of a schedule, although schedules are usually anaethema to me.

had a bit of a hangover this morning when i woke up. talked to my “advisor” at the bank, he’s not sure if he can unlock any more of my inheritance – (listen to me! i sound like paris hilton! ew) so…money worries loom, suddenly tangible. money worries taste like sulphur.

had another little seizure today. (had one earlier this week). so it looks like my epilepsy is back, after a 20 year hiatus. i’m going to see another doctor on the 18th, l. made me promise. i wish doctors gave adults gifts for being good – i still have my “old car eraser” collection from my pediatrician – i got one every time i didn’t cry when they gave me a shot.

i’m going to be late. so i’ll leave with a poem: (it’s by e.e. cummings)

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)